Jacuzzi

I spent most of my saturday night in an overfull jacuzzi surrounded by semi-naked drunk people. As you can probably imagine, this was quite fun. The night really started after the host's parents had left and we all made our way to the back of the garden to the room with the jacuzzi, sauna and steam room and after some slightly drunk girls had smashed a bottle of rum the night began. The rest of the guys arrived and as per usual proceeded to spray champagne on to my body (luckily I wasn't wearing much). Once everyone had had a bit to drink, it became obvious that we were not all going to fit in the hot tub. So me being the tactical genius I am ;) decided that I should get in as quickly as possible. This ended up with me slipping on one of the seats of the hot tub and tumbling majestically into the bubbling pool just missing slamming my head on the edge of the tub. This was obviously very amusing as when I emerged from the foaming death trap, everyone seemed to be laughing at me. Oh well could be worse. Then literally everyone piled into the hot tub causing the whole thing to overflow, soaking the floor and the numerous towels that people had casually thrown everywhere but no one really seemed to care until one of my close friends Charles decided it was his turn to jump in. Charles is a very nice guy but is slightly 'portly' and on his arrival an impressive wave burst out of the tub and into the surrounding room. This startled, unsurprisingly, one of the girls who was splashed and nearly fell flat on her arse. After some banter and excessive alcohol consumption, Charles and I decided it was best to head home. For those that don't know getting from Ealing Broadway to Kilburn is difficult at the best of times but at 1am it is a completely different beast. After numerous bus journeys and tube excursions we found ourselves at Shepherds Bush and after purchasing supplies for the rest of our night (rubicon and honey cheerios) we ran into a group of girls who were in a similar situation to us. After some polite small talk, I asked how they were planning to get back to the Harrow Rd (where they lived) and they replied "Denise's man is rollin' in his whip" and then proceeded to invite us to join them and get a lift... Despite their generous offer, Charles and I decided it was best to get a cab and avoid being "shanked by the mandem". We arrived at my house at around 2:30 and proceeded to pass the fuck out. So ends my night.

Share if enjoyed, or fuck off as always.
Expect posts on sundays and mondays.

BACK,

Sooo last Saturday... pile of wank... The night started at a friend's house. The pre lash was well underway when everyone arrived and then shit kicked off ... (after 2 beers, bottle of champagne, sours and some vodka) The drunken stumble to the D' Den Legacy in Swiss Cottage (shithole) began, in the freezing cold it was less than enjoyable and on arrival I was greeted by around 150 drunken friends trying to push through a line towards a door that reminded me of the entrance to a cheap crack den. Once I had got past the Nigerian militia who were apparently 'bouncers'. The drunken bitches (everyone loves drunken bitches) and decent music (thanks to C. Jumman A.K.A the topless DJ) created a mosh pit which lasted until the need for a spliff meant that I had to fight my way through a crowd of people to just get my fucking coat. After pushing the drunk bitches out of the way (Chloe Glantz, tits bouncing all over the shop,) a refreshing stop at Subway was needed. The night continued onto a house in Highgate in a cab that smelled fucking horrendous. A post-hotboxed sauna, courtesy of the BMC/Money team/Goon squad/Mandem, and a slightly warmish swimming pool were waiting. On arrival, a swim seemed imminent. As soon as the owner of the house went upstairs, 15 drunken teenagers jumped into the pool and started a game called "try and drown the black friend". As I waited for my drunken associates to get out of the pool and dry off, I was greeted by a bottle of disappearing vodka, which in about 5 minutes was fully ingested. Now it's 4am and I'm gone! With no way of going home, I was forced to walk from highgate to hampstead in the snow with wet hair dressed in a onesie with my other clothes on top. (note: this causes chafing and good luck getting your trousers to stay up). Sleep at 5 and hangover at 9. This concludes my shit saturday night.

Feel free to share if you enjoyed this shit, otherwise fuck off