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Sooo last Saturday... pile of wank... The night started at a friend's house. The pre lash was well underway when everyone arrived and then shit kicked off ... (after 2 beers, bottle of champagne, sours and some vodka) The drunken stumble to the D' Den Legacy in Swiss Cottage (shithole) began, in the freezing cold it was less than enjoyable and on arrival I was greeted by around 150 drunken friends trying to push through a line towards a door that reminded me of the entrance to a cheap crack den. Once I had got past the Nigerian militia who were apparently 'bouncers'. The drunken bitches (everyone loves drunken bitches) and decent music (thanks to C. Jumman A.K.A the topless DJ) created a mosh pit which lasted until the need for a spliff meant that I had to fight my way through a crowd of people to just get my fucking coat. After pushing the drunk bitches out of the way (Chloe Glantz, tits bouncing all over the shop,) a refreshing stop at Subway was needed. The night continued onto a house in Highgate in a cab that smelled fucking horrendous. A post-hotboxed sauna, courtesy of the BMC/Money team/Goon squad/Mandem, and a slightly warmish swimming pool were waiting. On arrival, a swim seemed imminent. As soon as the owner of the house went upstairs, 15 drunken teenagers jumped into the pool and started a game called "try and drown the black friend". As I waited for my drunken associates to get out of the pool and dry off, I was greeted by a bottle of disappearing vodka, which in about 5 minutes was fully ingested. Now it's 4am and I'm gone! With no way of going home, I was forced to walk from highgate to hampstead in the snow with wet hair dressed in a onesie with my other clothes on top. (note: this causes chafing and good luck getting your trousers to stay up). Sleep at 5 and hangover at 9. This concludes my shit saturday night.

Feel free to share if you enjoyed this shit, otherwise fuck off